Bedtime Story in a Foster Home Somewhere in California (1974) by Cerissa DiValentino
Mom told everyone how you were born in somebody’s living room in San Francisco while her feet were held down; she was telling your dad to sing while she pushed; so he sang “You Are My Sunshine” and then said mom looked blue because he was on acid; you were born blue; that’s what your dad said; blueberry; baby blue; blue like mom when your dad was supposed to take you to the park but ran away instead; our mom is a good woman; I know she tried; she hit her head when she was nine; did you know that?; she was running down a hill so fast she thought she had been cut in half; she could still see the world but she didn’t know where she was going; and she fell hard; real hard; blue like open sky; blue like bone; blue like octopus blood; blue as in black; and when she woke up, she never did; that’s what grandma used to say; mom died that day; but your dad would have said grandma was blue too if she had been in the living room when you were born; Where was grandma?; because grandma was a really blue woman; they threw her mattress away when they cleared out her house because mom thought she saw grandma lying there; and I know; mom told me; it was grandma who cut her in half; she said grandma would come for me too if I didn’t stop crying; and when I stopped crying, mom started to cry; she said it was all too loud; the floor; the walls; the roof; the baby; and then ran out the front door; Please don’t let them take me from you; I was four; and I thought grandma had come for me when she ran, but really grandma had come for her; but eventually mom came back; and she birthed you; grandma was right though; mom was always a dead person; always a ghost; and now it’s just you and me, booger; blue like lunch trays; and blue walls; and our blue bruises; we can turn into ghosts together one day; I promise; we can hold hands when we do it; my dad shot himself one morning because he didn’t know which way was up; and, well, you don’t need to know that; your dad is probably dead, too; and, well, you don’t need to hear that; but we’ll all be together one day; a ghost family, booger; that’s what this story is about; being together one day; in another world; when they were all young, it was cool to be alive; and it was cool to do drugs; they said living was cool then; that’s what I’ve heard; blue like balloon; a blue vein; a blue drink; and then they grew up; and the world wasn’t cool anymore; they probably shouldn’t have had kids, booger; they were kids having kids having kids having kids; blue under-eye bags; blue diapers; a baby was viciously cut from a woman’s stomach a month after you had been born; we heard it on the news; and mom cried because she thought the baby had been you; but then you came crawling around the corner; just like that; just as she was trying to call the police but dialed the number for Chinese takeout; and I picked you up; and I taught you how to say, “Sissy;” you said it for the very first time; you really did; it was a beautiful day; the windows were wide open; and there was so much sunlight; everything looked so white; and we all clapped for you; we were so happy for you; it was a beautiful day to be alive, booger; When is mom coming back to get us? You mean after all you really didn’t hear me say never?
Cerissa DiValentino is an MFA candidate at Boston University, where she has been named the Helen Deutsch Fellow for the 2023-24 academic year. She is the recipient of the 2022 Vincent Tomaselli Award in Creative Writing for Fiction and was named a semi-finalist for the 2021 American Short(er) Fiction Prize. She has been working on a novel that unearths the violent truths of girlhood and the complexity of mothers who choose to abandon their children. Additionally, she has been working on a short story collection that highlights the amorphous nature of queer vulnerability, wealth disparity amongst lovers, and sexual promiscuity as a vehicle for vital change. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Giving Room Mag—a literary magazine dedicated to prioritizing BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, disabled, and women creatives. She has also previously interned with Bellevue Literary Press. https://www.cerissadivalentino.com
