safe search and doll house fire

"Snake Vine and Flowers" collage by Tiffany Dugan

By Robin Gow

safe search

i took my eel for a walk & that was the end.
all i could see were horror windows
& adds for single men 100ft away.
the internet has a plastic mouth. i put
training wheels on my eyes. tried to watch
my same monster videos & they were
blocked, replaced with video
of everyday disaster like froot loops.
the eel died from lack of water & i used
his body as an ethernet cable. refreshing my life.
a loading ball is the holy spirit
or else my hunger. i wanted a way
to scratch the itch of being human
without touching fork to outlet.
i see a video of a woman with no eyes.
instead of eyes she has turn signals.
stop sign without legs. the eel is not really dead
he is just dormant. loading. Leaking.
i wrap the cord around my wrist
so i can’t lose the desktop. the whole family
uses this oracle so we get mixed messages.
leave the guts alone. fire a cannon
into the ceiling. pray to your pasta.
i used to believe in safety. i used to
put caution tape around my playground.
the eel says, “don’t try to be dangerous
& you will not be dangerous.”
he is a victim blamer, but aren’t we all
on a tuesday? now i know that safety
is something taken but never given.
here is the safe search. here are only
the vanilla ice cream felonies.
aren’t they soft? aren’t they sweet?
security footage of the ocean. the eel told me,
“i have seen enough.” he pulled the plug.
went back to being a worm.
dug himself deep into the fresh earth.

doll house fire

o miniature catastrophe.
let’s save the dog. let’s save the dog.
let’s save the plastic cake & the plastic
lemonade. i had a matchstick voice
& i always tried to keep it under control.
so much can burn & then you zoom back
& there is a soup commercial. there is
a pine nut. there is a boy punching
another boy over grape flavor.
i watch on my iphone as a genocide
becomes an ad for flip flops &
then the capitalism angels know
my eyes like to feast on blood. tell me
“here is a product that will save
the world.” i put my teeth in a shadow box.
point to it when guests arrive & say,
“once i had a mouth.” once i was a bull horn
or a bugle or a budding broken plate.
dear god does anyone have a cloud?
i just want to put out the ashes. i just want
to put the rocking horse to sleep.
there are memories inside my memories.
there are ghosts that dress in doll clothes
a paper moon that we have
to be so careful with. who is your
fragile keeper? i have a mammoth who visits
at the back door of the house.
he opens his mouth. i place my eyes
into that wet darkness. i tell him,
“run as far away as you can.” the doll house
is as big as it feels. sometimes just
a scorch on the rug. sometimes i am walking
in the rubble. dear human, i am sorry.
dear human where am i & where are you?
why were we not holding each other
in the rocking chair by the plastic fireplace?

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