Bird Medicine

art: "Spirits Can Feel You" by Katie Frank

by Irina Varina

When you are feeling joy, don’t forget to breathe.
I breathe and I circulate. It flows through my entire body. Full body orgasm.
“At any point I can choose to be a part of any story,” I write.

Oh. A friend had just brought me a refreshing drink. And I chose to switch from the story of me thinking him thinking:“Why doesn’t she stop writing, she is so not interesting and boring compared to other friends on this medicine journey.” to: “She is so beautiful in doing what she has chosen to do. There is a mystery there I want to be a part of.”

Damnedest damn. That was good. Let’s do it again.

I choose to be a part of a story where I was making love for hours and a sweet friend kindly brought me this fabulous drink, just when I needed it.

What is this bird?

Who sounds like a helicopter when it arrives. So tiny but absolutely majestic. With a long beak. It is showing me how to show off.

Allow yourself the pleasure of learning things. Like birds’ names.

The bird is so persistent. I am realizing that I wasn’t paying attention to it at first but it kept coming back until I did notice, just now. It wants to captivate me with its colors, and feathers, and staring. I think it is taking me for the female bird of its species. Because right now I feel like everything all at once, including that female bird. And my heightened energy is saying: “I am ready for sex.”

Being chosen. Being courted. Being

It keeps coming. It sits on the same branch and looks at me.
Oh my goodness. The tiny bird had just jumped in the air and did a dance for me. It keeps doing things, demonstrating all that it is good at.

I say: “Yes, the answer is yes.”
But it just feels the need to continue proving itself worthy.
So I say it again: “Yes, let’s fuck.”
It is getting a little tedious, all this continual effort to deserve me. It is kind of exhausting.
Wait.
Am I doing the same thing?
Is this about MY life?
The world has already said YES to me.
Stop proving yourself worthy and start living!
Fucking birds.

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