“The Optimist” by Raquel Melody Guarino
I packed my bag up
stuffed it full
Seams bursting
as I
try
to pull
zip
and push
down the pile
to make it easier to
carry
it doesn’t matter what you put
as long as you can bear it
without their help
you may limp or even trip
but you brought those bags
you brought them for a reason
you will pull those bags up the stairs
one by one.
head up,
because you don’t just leave a bag by the train station
or at the bottom of a stairwell
or in a stall
you always bring your bags with you
even when your hands hurt calloused
and you are tired
and it feels heavy
who will watch your bags
if you decide to stop?
There is no one else but you
At the time I didn’t know
each piece of clothing
folded jammed or tucked into a shoe
was a hope
I held
for the day
I would
skip
through an overgrown vineyard
my blue cotton dress floating behind
lay
on a rock under the sun
my denim heating up
warm
from the stone
those shorts
they would hug a body that held a smile
and gulls would fly overhead
look out to the sea in a floppy hat
salt curls strands
gusts tempt fate
and chap lips
the glasses were for the skies
I would gaze into
while holding a scoop of gelato
in my hand
sandals for the cobblestone
and a shirt that reminds me of who I was
before I wore my dreams like a flag;
naked desires on a bruised body
the pants had flowers on them
for the nights we would go dancing
and I would return late
smiling from wine
blushing under a portico
the cotton pajamas were for the hugs
I dreamt of giving myself
a thank you for holding on, again—
forgiveness in every embrace
for the memories I wanted to have,
I packed my bags
like my dreams,
I packed my bags
heavy, full
uncomfortably, overwhelming
I carried them here
and now back
*
Raquel Melody Guarino is an aspiring expat who just left Italy due to the pandemic. She graduated from Yale in 2013, worked in TV news and radio, and has written for Help.com and Realty.com, and now she is what Italians call a “mammona” (a momma’s girl).
